I can;t think about the past, because all I get is recollections of my exams and worry about that, compounded by the fact that I can;t really remember anything about that period, just a nagging sense of dread.

I can;t think about the present, because all there is there is just crap, crap about my money, crap about the bank, crap about student loans, crap about my parents, crap about their health, crap about your health, crap about my health, irritation at being stuck here all day with nowhere to go and nothing to do and, I could even deal with this, but

I can;t think about the future either, because it's results, and university, and student finances and my details, and have I made the right choice, what if I don;t get in? I'm so scared but I don't feel like I should talk about it, and

I know the best solution to this would apparently be just to not think, but I can;t do that either; what am I meant to do? I'm not sleeping properly, I'm probably eating too much, I really am quite lonely and

the only time I ever get relief from this is when I;m with you, but you're ill and it might be serious, and anyway what if you catch the flu from me if I get it, it could hurt you, it would be my fault, and I know, I know I just make things worse and this always seems to happen. I am sorry. It;s not easy.

I am sorry, and it's not easy, to have to apologise for your own nature.