I do stupid things when I'm depressed. I didn't mean to. Luckily, it wasn't too bad yesterday. I took control before it took control of me. It's not always so.

I'm scared when I'm depressed. Okay, so that's technically not true. I am scared about being depressed, because I might do something terrible. Not hurt myself. I'd never hurt myself when I am depressed, only when I am angry.

Only when I am angry. Like that time in Chemistry, when I was carrying a glass burette, and I imagined breaking it, and cutting myself, and all the blood running down, blossoming, like roses on ice. You have to watch me when I am angry. But not when I am depressed.

When I am depressed, it's very, very different. I know I'll do something unforgivable. Every time. And the fear is paralysing.

I am so scared that one day I will give myself away and tell people how much I care about them.

Because if I did, they really would leave me.

So long and goodnight.