I don;t want people to be indifferent to me. How could that ever be a good thing? I only ever want to make things better, or at least, I want people to feel that things are better when I'm there. Is that amazingly selfish? Is this a throwback, to back in the day when I was, not myself?

Could it be that, when you say I don;t care, or it doesn't matter, it actually doesn't? How can it be that, after so many years of hidden meanings and code, there is suddenly nothing?

Am I reading too much into this?

I;m sure that, if I weren't so epically shit at telling what people were feeling, things would be a hell of a lot easier. I;m sure that there are some people who can live without knowing what;s going on, who can watch the film without feeling the need to read everyone like a book. I wish. I wish. But sometimes, I just lie in bed and I think, I wish you were here.

And as bad as it sounds, as much as it might annoy you, I miss you and it hurts that you might not even notice that I'm not there sometimes. I don;t want you to be able to live without me because, if you can, I'm not needed in this world at all.