But did he know? Did he know the feeling of something squeezing at my heart every time I hear your name? Did he know the happiness? Golden light leaking through my eyelashes and warmth leaking through my clothes? Did he know the despair, desperation, of sitting here and not being able to reach you?

Does he know about the dreams that leave me icy cold and shivering? That little thrill when you kiss me, the way you told me I was beautiful, did he know that?

I wish I could just lay it all out for you, like a pack of cards, here, this is my love, this is the depth, height, breadth, this is all for you, you can take it all, and you would know. I wish I could tell you. I wish you'd understand. I wish I wish I wish but you're still sad, I'm still away, we're still despairing and it's crushing me and cutting me up.

How can these hands, this voice, this heart, that has done so much, be so useless?